End of this road

I had my last RE appointment this past Wed. It was so sad. It was the hardest appointment I've been to. I walk in and it's just a totally different feeling. My nurse, Michelle, (who I love) is always smiling and really happy. She didn't say anything when she walked into the room. My RE did the u/s and made sure I was okay. My nurse came over to me and gave me the biggest hug. She was crying and I started crying. She ran out of the room. I got dressed and we talked to the RE about donor eggs and embryo donation/adoption. (My eggs are like a lady in her mid to late 40's or so that is why RE thinks our IVF failed.) Our RE told us that he knows we are well liked around there because everyone has been so upset about us getting a BFN. RE walked us up to the front and gave us a few brochures and stuff. He gave me the biggest hug and kissed me on the forehead and said he was sorry he didn't do a better job. See this is why I love my RE. He's the most compassionate, caring doctor that I've ever been to. He totally rocks! I couldn't imagine a better end to this journey. Jeff and I are going to write him a letter and tell him what a great experience we've had with him and what a wonderful doctor he is. I couldn't tell him on Wednesday because I was crying so much I couldn't get words to come out. I wish I could stay there and have him as a doctor forever!

We are still very sad that our journey to have our own baby has ended. We have been on an emotional roller coaster. I have okay days and I have my bad days. AF made it all so final. I know it will get better with time. It will take us a while to really grasp that our chance for a biological child is close to zero. Although RE said he can't tell us we can never get pregnant. He said that's ultimately God's decision and he can't tell us we can't. Our hearts will heal over time. We are just sad right now.

So now our road takes a different path. We are pursuing adoption. YAY!! I'm really excited about the idea of being a mommy!!!! We are trying to decide all the ins and outs of adoption. Whether we want and agency or attorney. Where, when, how, who.. all that stuff. It's really overwhelming. But, we'll get there. One step at a time. God has chosen us to be parents to a baby that He is picking just for us. It will be a very special baby. God is choosing my child for me! How awesome is that! We are going to start very soon. I know it can take a while to get all the paperwork done and stuff. Our goal was to become parents. We prayed for a child in our life and God has shown us that adoption is the path we are suppose to take.

Well, that's about it for now. I know once we decide how to get started I will have lots to report on. I'm excited about this journey we are about to embark on! I hope this one is a smoother ride than the last.