Scared to death!

I'm totally scared to death for tomorrow to come. I'm nervous!!! Part of me doesn't even want to go to the beta. I don't think I've ever been this scared. Of course I've never had a beta either. With IUI's my RE just let's it happen naturally. Which is in a way kind of nice. And it's his way of saving you money. He likes to save people money. So, I'm just really nervous.

This is probably our last chance at a biological child. We can't afford to keep doing numerous IVF's. Our insurance doesn't cover anything that deals with infertility. Stupid insurance companies. So, it's been really expensive over the last 3+ years. It's been mostly out of pocket. Unless by some chance the insurance happens to pick something up. This is going to work for us though!!!!!!! It just has too!

I've been thinking a lot about my journey with infertility lately. It's been crazy. I never thought that word would enter a sentence I spoke about myself. It always happens to other people not me right? My sis is very fertile (and we are twins) so I always assumed that I would have no problems. Assume nothing. I think that has become one of my favorite sayings. I always assume nothing. I have been through a lot. I can't believe I actually gave myself shots. I am so afraid of needles. I would go into a panic when I had to have a shot or give blood. I still don't like them but I don't panic anymore. I had no problems giving myself my shots. The nurses were really impressed that I did them all myself. The only ones I haven't done are the PIO and I don't think I could give those. Jeff does a great job though. I love him for being so willing to do whatever. He's an amazing husband. He even had varicocle surgery to see if he could increase his sperm count. Not many men would let a surgeon cut in there sensitive private area. He never gave it a second thought. We've had so many ups and downs. We've had a lot of downs. Our first RE was a HUGE down. I get mad just thinking about him. Big fat liar. Anyway. God led us to a great RE. We both love him and trust him. He was so nervous the day of the ET. I've never seen him that nervous. It's nice to know he cares. Our journey has been long for us, but short compared to some.

I have really enjoyed the past 2 weeks. Jeff has really taken care of me. He won't hardly let me do a thing. It's been kind of nice to have a break from the house chores. Like I said earlier, he's an amazing husband. Even though these past weeks have been great tomorrow is the day. I'm scared to death to get to tomorrow. Part of me is excited and part of me just wants to curl up in a ball. I've been emotional about it. But, I know that's normal. When aren't us women emotional? So if you ladies would pray for me I would appreciate it. I need lots of prayers for being calm, strong, and for a bfp!!! You ladies have been so wonderful!!! Ya'll rock. Please pray for us tomorrow and keep us on your minds. Thanks.

Well, that's about all I have. I know I will update later with the results. Talk to ya later!